i was done with maomao's present by midnight. i just need to buy that extra thing. its not a condom, its not a pad. okays. even these jokes aint cheering me up. what's wrong?

clement sort of cheered me up a little, then he went offline. he said he will come back on much much later. i will wait cause i think i'll need it.
something's wrong. in the conversation, i realised i am beginning to have the eating-disorder syndroms. i've stop eating but its not that i am trying to slim down. well, i am trying but i am not that dumb to lose weight this way. i can spend the whole day not eating anything. i dont feel the hungry but i am nice, i have been forcing myself to eat. sometimes when i am eating half way, i just totally lose my appetite and i will want to throw up. i dont know why food doesnt interest me anymore. the sight of it just make me lose my appetite.

and i have been hearing things, again. thats why i told clement to keep talking to me. i can hear it, totally. i need a distraction. i tried chatting with SM after clement went off. but he was not quite there actually, so we didnt chat much. i want to share with him whats wrong but i dont know what it is. and i am beginning to get real frustrated cause i want to know what's wrong. the tears are totally not helping. okays. i sang my way out just now. i managed to stop the tears but its back now. i hate this.

i think all i need is someone to keep talking to me. as in not stopping at all. but at this kind of time, i dont think anybody will do that.
i hope clement remember that i am waiting for him on msn. -if not, i think i will go crazy.